"Fresh Off the Boat", in all honesty, my parents actually came to New York by plane, not by boat. So although my parents' story is not one of escape or flight, it is still one of courage and vision.
I am first generation American of Haitian descent and so very proud of my heritage. I grew up under the blanket of loving and nurturing parents with a father who told me that my only two options as a profession were to either become a doctor or a lawyer... that there would always be sick people and people suing one another and so I would be safe, secure and stable.
Since Calculus was not my strong suit and an unfortunate requirement for the pre-med track, my only other "approved" option was to become a lawyer. And like a good little girl, I did just that.
Rewind to 1982, and you'll find a twelve year-old who was actually still in touch with that part of herself that knew who she was and what brought her joy. I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to touch people's lives by performing and from that place of immense fulfillment have an impact on an audience.
I remember it as if it was yesterday, my father, in his most sincere way of loving me said: "Do you really think that out of a thousand people going for a part, you would get it?" I remember feeling anger, then sadness, then discouragement and finally resignation. Here, my own father didn't think I could do it, so maybe I was crazy for allowing myself to believe in this "dream". And there you have it... the day I quietly tucked away that part of me that was so connected to the truest, most pure part of me.
Everything after that became about playing it safe, doing the "right" thing, being practical; in essence, being whoever everyone else expected or wanted me to be. Don't get me wrong, this is not about placing blame on my parents, but about honoring their courage, strength and fearlessness by building upon it and daring to be ME! You see, they took that initial leap of faith. They came seeking a better life, a different life or simply more opportunities. They came with their dreams and visions in mind and when we were born, it was as if they made a vow: that all of their sacrifices would not be for naught and that their children would go far beyond their own achievements. A noble intention indeed! But the catch was that our achievements and what they should look like were strongly suggested to say the least. So doctor or lawyer, accountant or engineer, we picked up the dreams of our parents, made the "smart and practical" choices and for some of us started down the path of a life half lived. Practical, YES! Fulfilling, NO!
When I was younger, I couldn't see that this was indeed LOVE. It was a love whose purpose was to shield me from pain, disappointment and having to rely on anyone else. It was a love that plagues every parent... which is to prevent our children from taking risks and getting hurt. But it was also a love that stirred up self-doubt, disconnection from my true self and resulted in buying into their fear and playing small.
So, at the age of 40, 14 years after getting my law degree, I got my Masters in Spiritual Psychology and began rediscovering the answer to the question, Who AM I? Turns out the actor was alive and well and I rediscovered my voice. I wrote a one woman show and had an opportunity to perform in a festival in NYC in front of my whole family (more on that later...)! That night, my father was in the front row holding a bouquet of flowers and the man, who I thought would not understand the humor in my show, was the first voice I heard to break into laughter. That night I introduced myself, my real self to my family. And although my mother was no longer with us in the physical realm, I felt her smile and her warmth that night.
As a result of having once again found my voice, I am no longer in corporate America (more on that later...). I am a Transformation Coach, guiding people back to their Authentic selves and living the lives they choose to create.
There was a time when what held me back was guilt... guilt around somehow rejecting my parents and wanting to be different. But through my work, I have arrived at a place where I thank them for going first with the inner understanding that my bravery comes not in the form of living out their dreams, but in the form of DARING TO BE ME. I honor them by being courageous enough to simply be me... and after all isn't that the ultimate freedom!!!
Who knew that my personal journey would reveal my life's purpose... which is to remind people of who they are, to reveal the dreams hidden beneath the dreams and to Live Lit from the inside out, taking action and creating their lives according to their vision! If you are curious and want to learn more or simply see yourself in my story, follow my journey in service to beginning your own.
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